How to use your emotions to negotiate successful agreements - Part 2

As I mention in my previous blog, we cannot stop having thoughts or emotions. The challenge is using our emotions with those to whom we negotiate.

One technique I find very powerful is appreciation. Appreciating others will naturally bring helpful emotions in those with whom we negotiate. From CEOs to teachers, diplomats, janitors, everyone wants to be appreciated.

Nowadays we are too worried about our own problems and we may place some obstacles to feel appreciated or appreciate someone. Some of the reasons are because we may fail to understand each other side’s point of view, we argue our own perspective but not learn theirs, or we disagree with what the other person is saying. All the reasons above come naturally, but here are some rules that you can apply to express appreciation to others and get them by your side.

RULE #1- Understand their point of view – To appreciate another person, your first task is to understand how things look and feel in their point of view. You can anticipate their emotions by imagining how you might feel in their shoes.

RULE #2- Active listening - During a negotiation, there are many active listening techniques you can use to improve your understanding of another. Here are some tips:

TIP # 1 - Listen for the “music” as well as the words. It’s important to gather the ambiance that surrounds people whom you are negotiating with, as well as to listen for the mood, character, atmosphere, and emotional tones that put the words into a context.

TIP #2 Listen for meta-messages and tones – As you listen you will notice that sometimes one message is buried inside another. They often suggest whether a person feels supportive, unsure, or resistant to ideas being discussed.

For example: I decided to introduce an idea to speed up my project delivery and present it in a report to the stakeholder’s weekly meeting. Before I did, I showed my report to my boss, my peer, and one of my project team members and they all said the same thing; “I like your report”, but I gathered three different meta-messages or three different tones. When my boss said it, I felt resistance. From my peer I felt a comparative tone, like he was comparing my report to his, and from my team member I felt enthusiasm. And of course, from the stakeholders I felt lack of commitment. But they all said “I like your report”.

Don’t forget that a person’s body language may express something quite different from what they are saying.

So, before you appreciate someone, understand their point of view and listen (feel) what they are saying; you will be surprise with your words and wisdom that will come from your mouth.